After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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