How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
