At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
