He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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