now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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