Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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