Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
