i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
