can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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