You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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