is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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