I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
