She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
