Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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