I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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