just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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