she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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