just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
