I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
