she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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