when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
