ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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