imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will be naked everywhere
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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