This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
