she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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