what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
