ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
