i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
