It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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