A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
