my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
