mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
