I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
