last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
