your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
