dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
