I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
