My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
