I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You took a bar mat shot.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
