my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
