we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
