State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
