Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
