dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my phone needs a breathalizer
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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