I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Two words: blizzard sex
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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