well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
