i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
