we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
