Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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