With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
