I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
