I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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