I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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