i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
