No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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