I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
