just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The Olympian is in my bed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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