A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
