I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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