Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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