This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
