I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
