I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
