who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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